Finding time to fit everything in is tough. Family. Work. Taking care of yourself. Sleep. Choices are involved in it all. Choices to put some things ahead of others, to put others ahead of you, etc. I haven't been so good at this lately. Last Saturday night I was lectured by my friends. It wasn't subtle but it was honest. They were concerned and saw things that I hadn't noticed. I've thought about it all week.
I was sick last week. It started as allergies and ended up as an infection. It happens to me annually when my allergies start in my sinuses and head south to my chest. Eventually I started antibiotics. It's not fun and I waited too long to do so because I was worried about too many other things and people and didn't put myself first. My sister Ali is sick too and has been all week also. Our dad is having surgery next week so we can't get him sick. That distracted me.
Why do I mention this? Because I can't let these things keep invading my time to focus on me and take care of me. I know why my friends lectured me and I truly understand why they did. I see it and realize it but I'm still not being proactive. Why? It pisses me off. I keep worrying about everyone else and not enough about me.
Granted I couldn't breath much of the week, but my running sucked. Resting much of the week was in my best interest but I could have found something to do to help me focus, train, and take care of me. Six months ago I thought I had figured so much of this out and was so good a out carving out time for me. It was easy then, though, because I was by myself without my family. I didn't have to report to anyone or check in daily. They were 1,000 miles away and as much as they were a part of my daily life they weren't. An email or text from 1,000 miles away is really different than being there and knowing and living each other's daily schedules, etc. It was different being 1,000 miles away and not having that direct feeling and reality of responsibility.
Don't get me wrong, I really like life up here and I love being around my family. My job is great and I love the people I work with. Being around the Badgers is amazing as well. I'm just having a tough time balancing it all --- the race is quickly approaching. I want to do well for me but also for Atticus Circle and many others.
Any suggestions out there? Things I can implement? Tools to use? I am not so shallow to think this can only apply to my running --- but applying it there will be a start.
Tonight I was so stupid as to try to run. I was supposed to do 5 miles today. After a mile I was hacking and coughing so badly that I couldn't breathe. I stopped. I got on the bike for a while, and then I stopped. i did some weights, some sit-ups, and tried not to feel terrible or that I had fallen behind. I didn't feel like this last year --- the sense of constantly being behind in training (and in life). About 9 weeks to go. I hope my posts get more positive and uplifting. Sorry about this one.
Bottom line is that I have so much respect for those people who are able to fit most of it in and to balance it all. You know who I am talking about; those people who make it all look easy. It isn't easy, and it can't be for them either. They are just doing a much better job than I am of finding a way to get it all in.
First of all, get healthy! Second of all, you are incredible, and although you have completely changed everything in your life over the past few months, you haven't stopped with your exercise and good habits, so don't be too hard on yourself!
ReplyDeleteI plan out my week of workouts every week. I pass it by Phil, and coordinate it with where I will be and what extra stuff I have to accomplish. Maybe simply scheduling your workout time will make you feel better about putting yourself first? Also, if it it on the schedule, you can't double book, and your family will know that they can have your undivided attention AFTER.
Good luck to your father on his surgery, and relax girl. You will be fine!