Lectures, Balance, and Trying to do it All

Finding time to fit everything in is tough. Family. Work. Taking care of yourself. Sleep. Choices are involved in it all. Choices to put some things ahead of others, to put others ahead of you, etc. I haven't been so good at this lately. Last Saturday night I was lectured by my friends. It wasn't subtle but it was honest. They were concerned and saw things that I hadn't noticed. I've thought about it all week.

I was sick last week. It started as allergies and ended up as an infection. It happens to me annually when my allergies start in my sinuses and head south to my chest. Eventually I started antibiotics. It's not fun and I waited too long to do so because I was worried about too many other things and people and didn't put myself first. My sister Ali is sick too and has been all week also. Our dad is having surgery next week so we can't get him sick. That distracted me.

Why do I mention this? Because I can't let these things keep invading my time to focus on me and take care of me. I know why my friends lectured me and I truly understand why they did. I see it and realize it but I'm still not being proactive. Why? It pisses me off. I keep worrying about everyone else and not enough about me.

Granted I couldn't breath much of the week, but my running sucked. Resting much of the week was in my best interest but I could have found something to do to help me focus, train, and take care of me. Six months ago I thought I had figured so much of this out and was so good a out carving out time for me. It was easy then, though, because I was by myself without my family. I didn't have to report to anyone or check in daily. They were 1,000 miles away and as much as they were a part of my daily life they weren't. An email or text from 1,000 miles away is really different than being there and knowing and living each other's daily schedules, etc. It was different being 1,000 miles away and not having that direct feeling and reality of responsibility.

Don't get me wrong, I really like life up here and I love being around my family. My job is great and I love the people I work with. Being around the Badgers is amazing as well. I'm just having a tough time balancing it all --- the race is quickly approaching. I want to do well for me but also for Atticus Circle and many others.

Any suggestions out there? Things I can implement? Tools to use? I am not so shallow to think this can only apply to my running --- but applying it there will be a start.

Tonight I was so stupid as to try to run. I was supposed to do 5 miles today. After a mile I was hacking and coughing so badly that I couldn't breathe. I stopped. I got on the bike for a while, and then I stopped. i did some weights, some sit-ups, and tried not to feel terrible or that I had fallen behind. I didn't feel like this last year --- the sense of constantly being behind in training (and in life). About 9 weeks to go. I hope my posts get more positive and uplifting. Sorry about this one.

Bottom line is that I have so much respect for those people who are able to fit most of it in and to balance it all. You know who I am talking about; those people who make it all look easy. It isn't easy, and it can't be for them either. They are just doing a much better job than I am of finding a way to get it all in.

I've Got A Half Marathon to Train (And Raise Money) For

Less than 3 months until race day. It hit me this weekend. It's not like I'm not working out but I have to admit my mileage hasn't been where it should be. That ended yesterday. 5 miles yesterday (some of which was intervals) was painful. My calves were sore today. By tonight they were really sore. But, I put in 3 miles tonight. I tried the run 10 minutes, walk 2 minutes method tonight. I liked it. Might be my new thing.

I've committed to raising money for Atticus Circle in relation to the half marathon (www.atticuscircle.org). Moreover, I got two friends (and amazing authors) Stacey Ballis and Jen Lancaster to do it with me and also raise money for this amazing organization. Now, more than ever, this organization is so important. There have been huge advances this summer --- advances that make me smile --- and we need to keep pushing this issue by advocacy. That's my political shpiel for now.

When I trained for my last half I wore Michigan clothes because I lost a bet. The crappy Michigan clothes motivated me. So, yesterday I wore the Atticus Circle t-shirt that says "Gay, Fine By Me". It did motivate me. I'm doing this half marathon for more than just me. Obviously I do want to do well and get a PR --- but making a difference through raising money and awareness may be more important.

Before my run tonight I met an old friend to catch up. It had been far too long. Truth be told, I wasn't in a great place the last time we saw one another (years ago) and I likely lashed out at her. Thinking about it the last few days, after she graciously reached out to me, made me sad. I lost out on many years of a great person and friend. I was a little nervous tonight but we picked up at a good place. Time has changed us both. I told her that I'm finally comfortable with who I am and I'm not trying to be someone I'm not and can never be. Running has helped me get there.

Tonight's meeting came on the heels of meeting another old friend for lunch. Another person I hadn't seen in years. It was so amazing to catch up. We are no longer 20 year olds who go out to bars, etc. We are adults. We work hard. We try to carve out a little time every day for ourselves and our sanity. Some days we fail. I tried to convince her to come run with me. She told me she doesn't run. I responded by saying I didn't use to run either and if I can do it anyone can. I haven't given up on her.

A lot has changed since I started this blog. I'm not running a marathon in a few weeks. I will be there, though, to cheer Gen on. I was going to run it with her. I'm envious of het and proud of her and excited for her. But part of me finally being comfortable with me is knowing a Marathi isn't in my future and despite that, I can still call myself a runner.

This blog started as my journey in trying to become a runner. I'm a runner now. I might not be what you think of as a runner but I don't care. Being a runner to me is wanting to run, liking to run, and liking how I feel after I run. So,I'm a runner. Now, I'm trying to be a faster runner.

Sorry this is so disjointed. This was written on an iPad. I'm still getting the gist of this. Give me time.

Day off tomorrow. Planning on5 miles during the Saints/Packers game on Thursday.