This Saturday I have to run 11 miles. That is a distance that isn't short but also not one that you think of as extremely long. For me it is going to be 44 laps around the track of my former high school. That way it is pavement, but it will be easier on my achilles. Doing on a treadmill would give me a false sense of security and I don't need that going into the half. I made that mistake before Toronto and I won't do it again.
It is hard to believe that the race is less than a month away. It seems like just yesterday that I signed up for the race with my friends. It seems like just yesterday that I planned a training schedule (which I haven't religiously followed despite my best intentions to do so). It seems like just yesterday that I mentally prepared to psych myself up for this in the aftermath of an achilles injury. I originally had time goals for this race. I'll admit, though, that those have gone by the wayside. Now it is about finishing the race. It is about finishing the race and raising the amount of money that I set out to raise for Atticus Circle.
At the office today one of my partners had a blood pressure cuff in his office and offered to take my blood pressure. I was curious so I agreed. My blood pressure has never been an issue --- even when I was 70 pounds heavier (yes, you read that correctly). I was pleasantly surprised, though, at how relatively low my blood pressure was today. My partner said my blood pressure was amazing. I thought about it for a second and then realized that I have run over 20 miles this week. Suddenly I didn't feel like such a slacker anymore.
It is incidents like that one that put everything in perspective for me. It is incidents like that one that make me feel like a runner. 20 miles in a week (and it;s only Thursday) isn't insignificant. Add the 11 miles that I plan to run on Saturday and that is 31 miles in a week. 18 months ago I never imagined, not even in my wildest dreams, that I would be running 31 miles in a week. I may not cross the finish line at record pace when when I think that I'm running 31 miles this week (and playing tennis a few times) I have to grin.
This week has been crappy. This week has been one of the most difficult weeks that I have had in a very long time. I was confronted with issues this week that made me question a lot of things, I had to question who I am as a person and what I am able/willing to put up with. I had to question how much I am willing to be tortured and how much of my sanity I am willing to sacrifice in the process. The decisions were tough, and I still am struggling with them a little bit. But the one thing that I do know is that I was able to make the decisions I did because of where I am physically. If I was not where I am physically I may not have had the self assurance to do what I did.
Last Saturday I had an amazing run. Last Sunday my run sucked. It didn't suck because of the speed. It sucked because I felt sluggish. But I did it. I finished it. And then I finished two other runs this week. One felt great and another mediocre, but I finished them. Looking back at those runs --- and putting them in perspective with the grand scheme of my week --- I can't feel so bad about them. Those runs, no matter how crappy I thought they were at the time, helped me get through the week. I truthfully don't know that I would have been able to get through the week without them (or some form of exercise). To me that means I have come a long way.
So, less than a month to do. My promise to myself in the time until the half is not to classify my runs as good or bad but as something that I am doing for me. It is time where I can think, listen to music, and escape from the world (even if just for an hour). My promise to myself is to remember how far I have come instead of focusing on how far I have to go. My promise to myself is to simply put one foot in front of the other and try to smile as best I can. The fact that I am able to run 31 miles in a week is a gift. It is a gift that most who know me never would have imagined me having.
This weekend I promise to figure out how to upload photos. There have been a lot of cool running related photos in the last 2 months.
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