When Did Running Become My Stress Relief?

Today was a bad day.  Period.  End of story.  My only day in the office this week and I had a ton to get finished.  Add the fact that I had a huge deposition this morning, for which I had been preparing for the last two weeks, and I didn't know how long that was going to take.  (It turns out the deponent had to leave at 1 p.m., so we can't finish the deposition until after Mardi Gras.)  The deposition finished and I couldn't get "into the groove."  The telephone rang, emails kept coming, there were constant knocks at my office door, and opposing counsel in a case even tipped me to something (for which I am truly grateful) that required immediate action.  I looked ahead to my calendar for March (and April and May) and realized that there is going to be no rest in sight.  Be careful what you wish for, right?  All I wanted to do was scream, or better yet, turn up my music really loud and run and fast as I could.  When did I become the type of person who wanted to run, run quickly no less, to relieve stress?

I got my wish tonight.  I went to the gym, put on my iPod and cranked up the volume, and ran intervals --- fast intervals (at least for me they were fast).  I kept playing the same song over and over again because for some reason during the last two weeks it is the song that pushes me.  "Disturbia" by Rihanna.  I had the music so loud that I couldn't even hear the motor of the treadmill or my breaths.  It was oddly soothing.  The crappy feeling of the day started to dissipate and I wasn't in as crabby a mood about the fact that I am going to be up a good portion of the night working, before I have to leave for the airport at 5:15 a.m.

Sitting here now, with ice on my achilles and taking it all in, I realize that today was my last run of my 35th year.  I'm taking tomorrow off and on Wednesday morning I will wake up a year older and a hell of a lot more physically fit.  I'll wake up, put on my running clothes, and take advantage of Central Park.  I'll put on my running clothes because I want to and will be excited about it.  Last year I was also out of town for work on my birthday.  The thought of exercise wasn't even on my mind.  I was stressed out, crabby, and didn't have a good mechanism to cope with it.  What a difference a year makes.

I had a bad day today, and the way that I dealt with it was exercise.  It is because of exercise, running in particular, that today won't end on a completely bad note.  It is because of exercise that I won't go to sleep (when I actually finish my work) with stressful thoughts running through my mind.  It is because of exercise that I didn't grab a vodka rocks to try to drown my stress.  The bad day won't kill me; it won't even be a blip on the radar when all is said and done. 

I am so appreciative of everything that I have learned in the last year because I am a new person as a result.  I am appreciative of the people who believed in me and told me that I wasn't crazy when I started this journey.  I am appreciative of my friends and family who have encouraged me to chase after athletic feats that I would never have thought were possible.  I am appreciative of friends for pushing me to sign up for half marathons and marathons and running them with me.  OK, maybe I'm not so appreciative of my "Michigan friends" for continuing to send me Michigan clothing and making sure that I make good on this bet --- but in the end my "Michigan friends" motivate me as much, if not more, than everyone else.  Most of all, I appreciate and embrace the fact that I continue to try to be a runner --- because without that motivation I truly don't know in which direction I would be heading for the coming year.

"The Gras," Running, and Flexibility.

Happy Mardi Gras y'all.  I know that it isn't officially Mardi Gras until March 8, but here in New Orleans the festivities start a few weeks in advance with parades and balls.  Mardi Gras is all about excess.  Excess in terms of food, alcohol, fun, and beads.  How do you fit Mardi Gras into a lifestyle where you have, for the last 10 months, done everything possible to trim excess?  How do you fit Mardi Gras in when you are swamped at work and when you have to fit running and training in?  I live in New Orleans, so I knew that I had to find a way.

Its all about balance.  Finding a way to fit everything in and not sacrificing yourself in the process.  Thursday night, for example, I was supposed to have a long run.  I got home from work and was exhausted.  It had been a really long week.  I knew that this coming week I had to travel and had some huge depositions.  What was more important --- getting the run in that night or sleeping?  I chose to wake up early the next morning and get my run in then rather than having a crappy run, feeling terrible about that, and being even more exhausted.  I had to break from the rigidity of a planned schedule, but I felt so much better as a result.

Yesterday was one of those picture perfect New Orleans days.  80 degrees.  Not too humid (compared to the summer, but most of y'all would have been dying).  I had a ton of work to do to get ready for the coming week.  I needed to get 5 miles in.  There were also parades going on all afternoon and evening a block from my house because I live on the parade route.  How was I going to get it all in?  Friday night my friends were texting me after partaking in another New Orleans tradition --- 25 cent (yes, you read that correctly) martinis at lunch at Commanders, followed by the first real parades of the season.  I got a text message at 4:39 p.m. on Friday, after they had already had several drinks, that said, "I am wearing a pimp hat and think you should join us at the Delachaise."  I wanted to go, I really did, but I had other things that I needed to get done.  I made the decision that I would work and get done what I had to but that on Saturday night I would find a way to meet them out.

I woke up very early on Saturday.  Went to the office for a few hours.  Got my errands done.  Ran 5 miles.  Worked a bit from home.  Then I went parading with my friends.  I did it responsibly.  No alcohol for me (it has been almost 11 months, why have a drink now?).  Walked to meet my friends so I even got another mile or so of exercise in.  I was home at a decent hour, iced my achilles and knees, and went to bed.  Today, I woke up early and will hunker down at my office during the parades (that way I am land locked until this evening when the parades are done) so I can get everything done and be ready for tomorrow.  I found a way to fit it in.

How does this apply to running?  There are going to be days when I worry about being able to get runs in and/or workouts in.  There are going to be days when I am exhausted and sore and don't want to do it.  There are going to be days when I want to go to a parade instead of a run.  All of this applies because with a little bit of flexibility, it is possible to find a way to fit it all in.  I think that my run was better yesterday than it might have been because I was excited to go parading with my friends.  It is also possible to do "the Gras" in a healthy way where I fit in exercise and didn't drink to the point of vomiting. 

Here are some photos from last night.  I had a blast, and it motivated me to make myself do more things like this.


Before the parades started.  Getting in the Mardi Gras spirit.




After the first parade of the evening.  Moderate bead collection.



Mid evening parading.

Naturally.... I get comfortable with something and it changes.

Just when I thought that I knew what was coming, it all changed. 

This morning I woke up at 5:00 a.m. for the trainer.  I'm not a morning person, but the thought of getting out some aggression with boxing make getting out of bed that much easier.  About 20 minutes later, though, I wasn't smiling.  "I'm going to change things up a bit this morning," she said, "something we haven't done before."  What is going through my mind, you ask?  I think you know quite well what I was thinking --- OH CRAP!!!! 

The warm up was the same as every session; it is the only thing that is ever consistent.  Five minutes on the treadmill, followed by two sets of squats, two sets of lunges, and two sets of push ups.  Then came what I imagine hell would feel like.  Liberdy knows that I am uber competitive with myself and I like to push myself.  So when she tells me that we are doing times circuits and I have to try to beat my overall time on each circuit, she knows that I am going to try to kill myself beating my previous time. 

If you read this blog, you have figured out (I hope) that I'm not the fastest runner out there --- relatively short distances at a fast pace are not my thing.  So try to picture the look on my face when she tells me what the circuit is:

1.  Run a quarter mile as fast as I can.

2.  15 push ups.

3.  20 kettle bells with 20 lbs kettle bell.

4.  5 chin ups.

5.  15 dead lifts.

6.  15 sit ups (actual sit ups, not crunches).

One minute rest, and then the circuit starts again.  I was immediately upset when she outlined the full circuit.  I thought that we were going to box, do some core work, etc. so I wasn't wearing my actual running shoes.  I was wearing the uber comfortable Nike Frees.  I also didn't have my calf compression sleeves. How was this going to impact my time?  In my head I was already trying to determine if I could kill myself by trying to run in these sneakers, without the calf compression sleeves, and still do each circuit with a time better than the previous one.  Ultimately I said "screw it," because I knew that I could keep ice on anything I needed to all day and that on the day of the half and the full, respectively, I knew that I was going to experience pain --- I have to learn how to run through those things and not be afraid.

I was exhausted by the end (plus, she threw in quality time with the Bosu ball on core work).  Each circuit was a little faster than the one before it.  The most important thing I learned, though, is that I have to stop doubting myself and have to stop worry about getting hurt.  I ran the quarter mile intervals far faster than I ever imagined (and at a respectable pace for those who are far better runners than I am).  Yes, my achilles hurt by the end and the shoes weren't ideal --- but I got home, iced everything for 20 minutes or so, and it wasn't so bad.  This isn't the type of work out that I want to do on a frequent basis, but I can get through it and I know better than to even think about quitting.

Liberdy says this is going to help me with the mental aspects of the upcoming races; she said it is as much about mental preparation as physical preparation.  I don't doubt her, but that is something that I will continue to work on. 

Here are some photos from this morning's "hell":

Chai, Double Chai, and Running.

Chai is a Hebrew word and symbol that means “life.” It is spelled with the Hebrew letters chet and yud. Jews will often wear a Chai on a necklace.  Chai is pronounced as if you were saying “hi” in English (as opposed to a non fat chai latte).  Judaism is a religion that emphasizes the importance of life. Jews are encouraged to be good, ethical people (often called mensches) and enjoy the time they are given on Earth. A common Jewish toast is “l’chaim!,” which means, “to life!.” Perhaps you heard it in the Black Eyed Peas song “I Gotta Feeling”?  It is said at celebrations in anticipation of all the good things to come.  Because it means “life,” the chai is consequently a symbol that captures an important aspect of Judaism. (It is tattooed on my ankle; of all of the tattoos on my ankle it was the first one that I ever got – at 18 years old.)

According to the Gematria, which is a mystical tradition that assigns a numerological value to Hebrew letters, the letters chet and yud add up to the number 18. The chet has a value of 8 and the yud has a value of 10. As a result, 18 is a popular number that represents good luck and referred to as chai. At weddings, bar mitzvahs and other events Jews often give gifts of money in multiples of 18, symbolically giving the recipient the gift of “life”.  So what in the heck does chai have to do with running?

Next week I turn 36 --- otherwise known as double chai.  Until today, I had been dreading my 36^th birthday and I really don’t know why. It is during my 36^th year, though, that I am going to run a half marathon and a full marathon.  On the path to crossing those two finish lines (as well as throughout the last 10 months) I have reclaimed my life.  Exercise, nutrition, balance, etc. has given me my life back.  OK, so I may not be the person in the photo that you expect to see next to the dictionary definition of a healthy person, but I can assure you that I am leaps and bounds above most people --- even if I may not look it.  As a result of the changes in the past ten months I am a happier and healthier person.  My life expectancy, at least related to my cardiovascular health, will in no way be cut short.  I have lost 60 pounds; I know that is no small feat and I am proud of that achievement every day.

I am not the most religious person in the world, but I am spiritual.  Liberdy (my trainer) and I were chatting about the fact that the Chicago Marathon is the day after Yom Kippur --- the holiest Jewish holiday of the year (and coincidentally a fasting holiday).  I told Liberdy that I would go to temple in Chicago but that I would not fast, and that I was sure that God would understand my reasoning.  You see, to me, exercise has become my religion and it is where I am most centered in terms of my spirituality.  Next week, on my 36^th (double chai) birthday, I will toast to MY LIFE and in anticipation of all the good things to come in the next year.  OK, so I’ll be in New York with work colleagues and clients who might think the fact that I am toasting myself is a little strange --- but hopefully I can use the birthday excuse to get out of that one.  Either way, I will start my 36^th year with a run in New York through Central Park.  Why, you ask?  Because I can ..... and on the morning of my 35th birthday I assure you that I never imagined I would be doing so a year later.

My Trainer.

One person who I haven’t yet mentioned (except in passing), but who I owe so much to, is my trainer Liberdy.  http://nolafit.com/pages/detail/19/5/Liberdy-Welsh  Finding a trainer that is right for you is something that is very important; you need someone who you feel comfortable with but who is also going to push and challenge you.  Most important, you need someone who isn’t going to let you get lazy or sloppy or take your excused when you feel tired and ornery.  Your trainer needs to get to know you and understand where you want to go fitness wise, always keeping in mind where you are now and keeping you on a clear and direct path or how you want to get where you want to go.  If you aren’t a morning person, it likely isn’t the best idea to hire a trainer that can only meet with you before 5:30 a.m. any day of the week.  (I am sure that you get the point.)  Let’s face it; you don’t automatically become friends with everyone you meet so why would you think that the first trainer you meet is automatically going to be the right fit for you?

Different trainers have different specialties.  Some are more focused on weights and strength training whereas others more focused on cardio training and others more on lifestyle training.  Liberdy and I haven’t always worked together.  I was initially working with someone else --- who is an amazing trainer --- truly.  It just wasn’t the right fit; she was more focused on strength training and I wanted to train for half-marathons and outdoor activities that I could enjoy like skiing, hiking, etc.  She could also only meet in the mornings three days a week; anyone who knows me well knows that isn’t the best thing for me.  I also needed someone that could change things up more, as I was starting to plateau, and could teach me different ways to train in relation to cardio.  I also needed someone who knew what it was like to run (or try to run and train for) a half-marathon.  Liberdy turned out to be the perfect person, and I sensed it the first time we spoke to set up our initial appointment.  You see, Liberdy understood where I wanted to go because she had been there.  She played team sports through high school and college (some of the same ones that I did); she competed in half-marathons, marathons, and triathlons.  She liked to ski and hike in the mountains and take part in crazy things like mud runs.  It was a match made in heaven.

She promised that she was going to challenge me and she promised that she would have me ready to run a half-marathon on May 29 if I did my part.  What I was most intrigued by, though, is that she told me that she was going to train me for a healthy lifestyle; this meant that she was going to constantly change up my work outs so that my body never really got used to anything.  I was going to do things that I never would have imagined --- whether it be boxing, military drills, pull ups, push ups (real ones, not the ones on my knees), interval training, and core work in ways I never imagined.  She stressed that part of getting to where I wanted to go was not only putting time in at the gym, but putting time in doing things I liked to do --- whether that was hiking and running in Runyon Canyon when I was in Los Angeles, running in the snow in Toronto, Wisconsin, and Illinois, playing tennis, and just being outside.  It meant eating healthy, but also enjoying food, because I do live in New Orleans. 

Several months later and I couldn’t be more pleased with Liberdy.  She has remained positive and upbeat (and made sure that I did the same) when I have been plagued by Achilles issues.  She has focused on achievements, no matter how small they may seem, when the weight hasn’t come off as quickly (I have lost a tremendous amount of weight in the last 10 months, which I can’t forget.  I have less to lose now, so it is going to be slower).  She has made me realize how strong I really am, which is something that I don’t think I ever realized before.  She has provided me with practical tools so that I can fit exercise and training into my life every day even if I can’t get to the gym, which has turned out to be invaluable while I am traveling, in trial, or stuck at the office. 

When she has pushed me to my limit, she knows it, because she has taken the time to get to know me.  Likewise, she knows when I have more to give for the same reason.  She is the only person I know who has pushed me to the point of throwing up, only to have me feel energized by that.  (And for the record, she was never trying to make me throw up.)  She gets excited when I tell her about my stupid realizations about how far I have come or about how I ran my intervals a little faster than normal, and I write them down when they happen so that I don’t forget to tell her.

I owe a lot to Liberdy because it in, in large part, because of her that I am taking on this “adventure” of the Chicago Marathon.  She has gotten me to the place where, even though I realize I still have a ways to go, where I realize that that this is something that I can do if I put my mind to it.  Plus, I know that she will be there every step of the way helping me get ready for it.

Thursday nights are about me.

This past fall I got into the habit of going to the gym on Thursday nights right before Grey's Anatomy started.  I'm not embarrassed to admit that it is one of my favorite TV shows and I figured that being at the gym while it aired would be motivation to stay on the piece of cardio equipment for at least an hour.  I wouldn't have to pause the TV for telephone calls, etc.  If I got tired, I could take down the intensity.  What started to happen, though, is that Thursday nights turned into the time when I was motivated to push myself. 

First it was the elliptical for an hour.  Then the treadmill for an hour.  Then increasing the speed on the treadmill.  Then even increasing the elevation on the treadmill.  Now, as I sit here (with ice on my tendons) typing this I am drenched in sweat, a bit exhausted, but endorphins are racing through my system.  I feel amazing; I almost feel like there isn't anything I can't do.  Truthfully, I don't feel the same way after the gym/workout any other day of the week.  I'm not able to push myself quite as hard any other day.  I know there is not any rhyme or reason for it and I also know it is strange.  But, at the same time, it is the way it is.  I want to bottle up this feeling and the intensity of my Thursday night workouts and save it for the upcoming half marathon and marathon. 

The realist in me knows I can't bottle this feeling and the intensity, but the dreamer in me wants to try.  The reality of what I need to do is figure out what about my Thursday night workouts makes me feel this way because life would be amazing (and my runs would be amazing) if I could feel this way all of the time.  Why Thursdays?  Maybe it is because I know that under almost no circumstance will I be bothered and it is truly the time that my only concern in the world is myself and making sure that I feel amazing after the workout?

Life is complicated.  It is fast paced and often times dog eat dog.  We can try to run and hide, but generally that doesn't work.  We are forced to deal with things we don't want to, at times we don't want to --- and sometimes for people we don't want to deal with.  We get in patterns of putting everyone before us and making excuses for doing so, almost as if we are wrong if we don't.  That is how I got to far removed from my fitness goals.  But on Thursday nights, I put all of that aside (at least for an hour) so that I can clear my head and actually put myself before the outside constraints of life.  It feels amazing.

Maybe through this post I've started to figure out why I feel so great after my Thursday night workout.  I think it is, at least in part, because on Thursday night I know that no matter what else has happened that day or that week that I'm taking the time to focus on me and focus on my goals and that nothing interrupts that.  I welcome your thoughts and suggestions about how to duplicate this feeling --- especially for May 29 and October 9.  And no, I have not had anything remotely alcoholic to drink.

Thanks for letting me wax poetic, at least until my next run.

Boxing?

My trainer has me boxing once a week.  Truthfully, I love it.  I'm not saying that I'm very good at it, but it is something that I look forward to.  But how does boxing fit into training for a half-marathon and marathon?  My trainer told me the following:

• It will improve your health. Your heart will pump blood more with efficiency.
• You will gain self confidence as you develop your fighting skill.
• This is a very good form of self-defense.
• It will make your arms and legs stronger. You can move quicker and think better.
• It will release the anger inside you. As the internal pressure is discharged from your heart, you will sense a feeling of lightness, something that you will always appreciate each time you hit the punching bag.
• It will give you emotional balance and internal strength. You will feel more at ease and highly self motivated.
• Stress is also being release and so you will experience a genuine peace of mind.
• You will loose weight in this process. As you throw those punches and move around  you are burning the excess fat from your body.

Plus, you can't run every day and be injury free --- unless you are far more talented than I am.  Cross-training is very important for that reason.  By the end of a boxing session, I am drenched in sweat, my arms and legs are burning, and I am exhausted.  And, it is kind of fun wearing the gloves.

Yes, maybe it is a bit much (especially at 5:30 a.m.) for my trainer to be singing songs from the various "Rocky" movies as she is holding the heavy punching bag, but it gets me through the work out. How it really helps my running, though, is that I get rid of stress through boxing.  So, when I hit the treadmill or road I feel a lot more free.  I'm thinking about the run, my stride, breathing, the music, etc. instead of the bad ruling, motion that was filed without support or legal standing, crazy schedule, etc.  That makes more of a difference than you realize.