Today is my January 1.

It has been over a month.  The truth is that I don't have a good reason for not posting.  Things got busy with the holidays and end of the year craziness.  There was a bit of a "what do I do now" after the half that, admittedly, led to a little bit of holiday malaise.  Sure, I got a little sick after the half but that really isn't a valid excuse.  The truth is that I got a little lazy.  When things weren't as focused health wise my right arm came more into focus.

Since 11/4/11 my right arm had been really bothering me.  I initially thought it was "tennis elbow" from playing so much more.  I switched rackets, etc.  Between Bio Freeze and ibuprofen/naprosyn it was able to manage the pain.  Right before Thanksgiving it got really bad again and I took two courses of pain meds.  But it got bad again in mid to late December.  I have a very high pain threshold.  I know that.  But it got so bad that I went to the doctor again.  It was apparently a partially torn muscle.  I was really upset.  But the thing it that it kept getting worse.  It was so bad that I called one of my best friends, as doctor, and sought her advice.  My friend and I have this running joke because I don't really like to seek medical attention.  If it gets to the point where I am speaking to her it is bad --- she knows that.  (We have known each other for a long time and gone through a lot together.)  I called a doctor but couldn't get an appointment until after the first of the year.

So, off to California I went for the Rose Bowl armed with anti-inflammatory meds and Bio Freeze.  Nothing was going to keep me from Runyon Canyon on 1/2/12 --- even if my arm was falling off.  There is something about Runyon Canyon that I love.  It is my most favorite place in LA and I am at peace --- actual, honest to God peace --- when I am there.  So, I woke up at 5:15 a.m. and drove to Runyon to get in 2 loops before the Rose Bowl.  It was magical --- absolutely magical.  I looked at the city from high above and felt calm.  I have spent a lot of time running in Runyon over the last year or so and I thought about my first time there and how far I had come.  Sure, I have a long way to go but it made me feel like I had accomplished something.  It made me feel more accomplished than half marathons, etc.  There is something very fulfilling about running in the hills and getting to the top and looking down.

View from the top.

Another view from the top.  The city enveloped in fog.

Shows the path.

Another view of the path.

Yet another view.

Me at the top.  Don't worry, the short says "Michigan Sucks".  I couldn't wear yellow to the game because of Oregon.

The day was gorgeous.  Sun was out.  Amazing weather --- a far cry from the weather in Wisconsin.  I was with some of my best friends and I was watching my most favorite team.  I knew the critics said we were going to get blown away but I had faith.  I had to believe in something after the last year.  I thought about the Rose Bowl the year before and how I never imagined the year would bring what it did.  But that was behind me and a new year was ahead of me.  A year of promise.  The game was exciting but in the end my Badgers lost.  The loss hurt a lot more this year.  It truly stung.  Here I was in California with great friends and so lucky to be watching my team in a BCS Bowl for the second year in a row.  But I was pissed.  I was feeling sluggish, and truthfully kind of down on myself.

One of my best friends from college.  Amazing friend.  Amazing doctor.  Someone who is always there good or bad.

Amazing time with amazing friends at the game.

I flew home the next day and have been slammed at work.  I went to the doctor, a different one, and the results were not what I had hoped.  A soft cast came and a hard cast is to follow.  The injury is worth than I thought and it isn't the result of tennis.  The injury is the result of kettle bells and trying to get through it and making it worse.  It is amazing how limited you are with a cast on your wrist.  I had never really thought about it.  Don't get me wrong.  I know that if this is the worst thing that happens to me than I can't complain.  But it has already been too long since I have been able to do planks, lift weights like I wanted to, do the elliptical with arms, etc.  I tried a Spin class with the cast and that didn't go well.  I understand that I am supposed to be using my legs and my core but you balance yourself with your hand/wrist/forearm.  That made everything worse.

And then the Saints lost.  I love two teams --- the Badgers and the Saints.  The Badgers lost so my football hopes were tied to the Saints.  Both teams fought hard.  Both teams lost.  I felt deflated.  I felt defeated.  I had no motivation to do anything other than lie on my couch, watch Bravo TV, and wallow.

I was getting down, feeling more sluggish, and couldn't figure out what to do to feel better.  In the interim I signed up for a few races thinking (and hoping) that would help.  I signed up for:

• The Bank of America Shamrock Shuffle on March on 3/25 (www.shamrockshuffle.com) because that is what started it all last year.
• Tomorrow I am signing up for the Crazylegs Classic in Madison on 4/28 (www.crazylegsclassic.com) because it is in Madison and I hope to be able to run it with friends from college.
• I signed up for the Solider Field 10 Miler on 5/26 (www.soldierfield10.com) because some friends loved it last year and one of my good friends who doesn't usually run agreed to do it with me.
• Finally, I signed up for the Summerfest Rock n'Sole Half Marathon on 6/23 (www.rocknsolerun.com) because it is in my back yard and it gives me something to work for.

This evening I decided that I wasn't going to wallow anymore.  It is that simple.  Last year I was so much more disciplined --- in relation to training, food, mentally.  I need to get back there despite everything else that may be going on in my life.  Life isn't an excuse.  Teams lose.  Things and people don't live up to your expectations.  You get hurt and recover.  You have to find alternatives rather than make excuses.  Blogging made me felt more accountable.  I, therefore, have to do it more so that I feel better about where I am physically. 

I don't know many of you who are reading this.  That may be better becaise I won't be able to put a face to a name, etc.  But the act of doing it --- putting the good and the bad out there --- is a way of showing myself that I am "all in".  I'm never going to be the one who wins the race but I am going to be the one who finishes.  Believe it or not to me it really isn't about winning but about finishing and putting in the time.

I know this post rambled.  Parts don't make sense except in my head.  Months from now, though, I hope it does. 

It may be 1/16/12 --- but I'm treating today as if it is 1/1/12.  Today the years starts anew.  Today  is when I made my promise to myself not to wollow, not to judge myself, but simply to do and follow through.