I Finished.

Maybe I'm in shock, maybe it's just the pain, but I still can't believe I finished the half marathon.  The first 10K were amazing, but then there was 11K when things started to unravel --- more specifically my right achilles tendon.  OK, so unravel isn't the appropriate word, but tear is.  I truly don't know how I finished.  Call it stupidity, call it determination, call it whatever you want, but I finished the half marathon and no longer have to wear the Michigan clothes.

Elyse told me not to run it.  She said between pneumonia and achilles issues it wasn't worth it; there would be other halfs and could it be that bad to wear the Michigan clothing a little longer.  (Obviously, she isn't an alumni of a Big Ten School so can't understand the sheer torture I faced on a daily basis wearing that clothing.)  I promised her that if I was in bad shape that I would stop even though I knew that once I started there would be no stopping.  The course had three out and back legs, so I passed her (she was two waves before me) right after everything happened.  I couldn't even muster a smile together.  She was waiting for me at the finish line, and as I passed her I told her that I had torn the achilles.  What followed was a lecture, or rather scolding, by the good doctor (the OBGYN).  She got even more adamant with me when I started to bitch about my time (which I had no business bitching about in light of the fact that I truly don't know how I finished seeing how I can't walk). 

But, I finished, and it can only get better from here.  It's going to have to, because I can't imagine being in this much pain forever.  The flight home tomorrow is going to be brutal, but going to the doctor on Tuesday morning.  I know there will be no running for some time and I am going to have to actually follow through with PT and actually attend all the sessions.  Plus, I truly don't want to face the wrath of Elyse again --- it was pretty scary.

I learned that each one of us has certain talents, and running is not one of mine.  That being well, the motto is fake it until you make it.  I'll continue faking it until I make it to my next half marathon.  If today was any indication, what in the hell did I sign up for with the Chicago Marathon.  The 10 mile training run was great, I felt good, I felt positive.  Today felt nothing like the 10 mile training run.  Oh well, live and learn.  Below are some photos from today.  More after the doctor on Tuesday.

I must say, though, that I really couldn't have imagined finishing one of these anywhere else.  Something about Toronto, my friends here, and the fact that it wasn't 90 degrees with 100% humidity.  Plus, where else was I going to get flowers (and a hand written congratulatory note) from the gentleman suitor of one of my friends.  Oh Canada!



Post race, and the last time you will ever see me in Michigan clothing.




Pre race.




Post race, post scolding.



Toronto, Here I Come.

I can't believe it is almost here --- and I really can't believe that I'm sick.  I'm so much better than I was on Sunday, but I'm not 100%.  I'd be lying if I said otherwise.  But, I'm going to do it.  I'm going to cross the finish line.  It won't be at the pace I wanted or in the time I wanted, but that is OK.  I'm going to finish.  It's about being accountable to myself. 

As I have mentioned before, there are 3 women who I speak to every Friday before Shabbat --- Elyse, Lory, and Marnie.  This weekend marks my last one as an official member of the JFNA NYLC.  It's been a wild a crazy 6 years, but through it I have met these 3 amazing women and many others who will be friends for life.  Initially, every Friday I sent out a "d'var torah" to these 3 women --- a little explanation of the torah portion for the week.  I was good about that for a year, but after that it became sporadic, at best.  This week, though, I sent out a d'var (I did it today, in stead of Friday, as I will be on my way to Toronto tomorrow).  And, it is pretty cool that I get to spend my last Shabbat as a NYLC member with my Cabinet chevre (Hebrew for friends) in Toronto ---- Elyse, Jody (aka Mrs. McDreamy), and Sara.

The torah portion this week is Bamidbar, the first portion from the Book of Numbers.  It deals with big questions like what spiritual lessons can be learned from counting people and who "counts" in the larger sense.  Pretty heavy stuff.  The conclusion that I came to is that being accountable is more important than counting.  In trying to equate it to the task in front of me on Sunday --- it is more about me being accountable by crossing the finish line, in whatever form and fashion, than about counting the time (at least for this weekend).  Finishing shows me being accountable to myself, to those who I made this stupid bet with, and to those who I have trained with and have motivated and inspired me. You see, it is through these 3 incredible women --- one who is also running the race on Sunday (well, Elyse and Sara are) --- that I learned about the importance of being accountable to myself.  They are the ones who have pushed me, prodded me, and stood by me during this journey.

Sure, I haven't even left New Orleans but the nerves have already started.  But that is normal.  Those will fade once the starting gun goes off on Sunday and I begin to put one foot in front of the other.  Sunday will be the first of many.  And, as my amazing doctors have reminded me all week --- my time can only improve from Sunday.

More from Toronto.

Addendum.

The doctor at the hospital pissed me off yesterday.  When grilling me how it was that I was so knowledgeable about my hydration levels, I told her it was because I was a runner.  She looked at me, paused, and said, "you don't look like a runner."  If I hadn't been so exhausted and if I hadn't felt like shit, I likely would have thought of a quick and biting comeback.  But, alas, I said, "well, I've lost XX amount of pounds in the list year."

I saw my personal doctor today and relayed the story to him.  He was disgusted and embarrassed; he didn't personally know the doctor but apologized for her.  My doctor is committed to going above and beyond this week to make sure that I am sufficiently hydrated and as ready as I can be for the race on Sunday.  Pretty amazing.  He said if, for some reason, he doesn't personally see me again this week that he wants me to call him as soon as I cross the finish line to let him know that I did it. 

What I realized more than anything today was how incredibly supportive those around me have been.  They are helping me this week to make sure that I am ready.  I am so grateful!

Seriously? Pneumonia.....

Last week was bad.  Thursday morning I woke up after spending the night in the bathroom throwing up.  I was dizzy, had a fever, and there was no way that I could even drive myself to court.  I was fortunate enough that one of my colleagues picked me up and drove me.  On Thursday afternoon there was video testimony that was prerecorded --- I spent the afternoon in the bathroom throwing up.  The deputy clerk put me in the witness room (because the witnesses were sequestered) and was such a kind man --- every 20-30 minutes he would come in and bring a new garbage bag.  Thursday night I went to the hospital and got an IV.  I knew I was dehydrated.  I felt better on Friday, but Friday night it hit me again.  The judge made us go back on Saturday to finish with one more witness and then give closing arguments.  I was exhausted by the time that Saturday was done.

My plan was to come home, take an Ambien, and sleep it off.  The thing was, I slept 13 hours even without Ambien.  I woke up today (Sunday) and drank half a gallon of water.  Within 90 minutes I still wasn't having to use the bathroom --- which worried me.  After all, I have a half marathon in a week.  I still felt dizzy and I was still coughing.  I called the doctor who sent me to the hospital.  Turns out, I have pneumonia.  I got antibiotics, another inhaler, and was told to rest up and drink a ton of liquid.  If I did that, I might be able to run next Sunday.

I called Elyse as I was filling the prescription.  Elyse is an OBGYN.  She told me to come to Toronto and watch she and Sara run the half, but that I was crazy to think about running.  I told her that while I respected her opinion as a friend and a doctor, that I was more inclined to listen to her on this issue if the pneumonia was affecting my lady parts.  Bottom line, I told her that I was going to run --- somehow.

Here is the bad part of all of this ---- because I have an infection and I am on antibiotics, I can't take Prednisone because it will weaken my immune system.  So, I will be able to breathe but my achilles may be in major pain.  It's a chance that I am willing to take because I can't stand another period of time where I have to wear this Michigan clothing.  I kind of blame the Michigan clothing for the pneumonia.  I know that it is in no way logical, but it's just a feeling that I have.

I have planned for this race for months.  I have trained for this race for months.  I certainly didn't plan for the fact that my achilles would have a minor tear or that I would have pneumonia.  But, it is what it is.  I will deal with it.  It's not about the specific race but about the journey in getting there.  And what a journey it has been.  So, maybe it won't be the race that I have imagined, but I will finish it --- and then burn those Michigan t-shirts.  Next week at this time I will be done ..... one way or another.

T Minus 11 Days (Until I'm Done with Michigan Apparel)

I feel like shit.  I'm coughing.  My throat hurts.  I am having to blow my nose every few minutes.  I'm staying as hydrated as I possibly can.  I'm trying not to talk and stress my throat/voice --- but that isn't very easy during a trial.  I haven't slept more than 2 hours a night in the last few days.  It isn't because I'm not prepared or I've waited until the last minute --- this is just how trial is, things happen.  It is really hard to find time to get a work out in --- especially in light of the fact that I haven't really slept in a few days --- with everything else. 

The last few days have worn on me, though.  Tonight I knew that if I didn't do something tonight, my mood wasn't going to be good tomorrow.  I want to try to avoid being in a bad mood and snapping at those around me.  Who ever would have thought that I would make it a point to get a workout in under circumstances like this?  I can tell you that I didn't.

Months ago Liberdy told me that if I was rushed for time, the best thing that I could do was 20 minutes of intervals --- whether it be on a treadmill or elliptical.  In light of the achilles tear (and the half marathon in about 10 days), I opted for intervals on the elliptical (i.e. Cybex).  When I first started working with Liberdy she would challenge me with intervals on the Cybex with different elevations and resistance.  I forgot how challenging it could be in addition to what an amazing workout it could be.  Sure, hacking in the process didn't feel great and burned my lungs at times.  That aside, it felt good to sweat.  It felt good to exercise.  It felt good to get some of the stress out of my system.

Not the most intense workout, admittedly.  But all in all, feel so much better as a result.  Let's hope I can make it through the next few days of trial, get healthy, and then finish the half marathon.  I'm going to force myself to, though, because I'm finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel --- in terms of this ridiculous Michigan apparel.

Did this sense of "zen" come from running?

I have to have a very important conversation with a jury tomorrow ... and I have no voice.  What started as a little bug last week has turned into a full blown virus.  103 fever.  No voice.  Coughing up crap I care not to describe.  The only positive thing is that the stomach aspect has subsided.  I have a trial to get through and a half marathon to run in less than 2 weeks. 

I've been very "zen" the last two weeks related to trial prep --- even when things got crazy I never got stressed.  My secretary and paralegal, even those attorneys working on the case with me, have been waiting for me to "blow" in terms of stress level, etc.  It hasn't happened and its not going to.  I totally believe that it is because of running.  When things get stressful, I take out the stress on the treadmill, elliptical, the bosu ball, etc. instead of blowing off steam through yelling and screaming.  My "zen" attitude is proof that running has had a positive effect on several different aspects of my life.  For this, I will always be grateful.

Today (or yesterday, rather, based on the time of this post) was one of those amazing Louisiana spring days that rarely comes along.  Not a cloud in the sky.  No humidity.  Relatively cool (about 75 degrees).  I was cooped in my office all day, trying not to infect my amazing secretary and paralegal who sacrificed personal and family time for the sake of this trial.  I got home and felt like crap, but knew I had to try to take advantage of the weather somehow.

If you recall, if my achilles was feeling better, I was going to try to get in 11-12 miles today.  Lets say that didn't happen --- wasn't even going to try it.  But, I thought that even though I felt like crap, a short run may help me sweat out some of this virus in addition to improving my mood, etc.  I downed some Propel, stretched thoroughly, put on my Garmin, took a puff of the inhaler (due to the chest issues), and set off on the streetcar path.  I was sluggish, but at the same time it felt so nice to be outside in the incredible weather.  I was a mile in before I looked at my watch --- not a bad pace considering I hadn't run since Tuesday (10:53).  Then, it started --- that pain from the other night.  I wasn't stupid, I stopped running and started walking. 

I stopped by the gym on my way home.  I did some core work and worked on my arms, chest, and back.  I stretched (both at the gym and when I got home) and spent the evening "on ice".  I do feel better, but still feel like crap.  I'm now not only worried about this half marathon in less than two weeks, but also about regaining my voice by tomorrow.

I've planned for May 29 for months and will finish this race whether it is through walking or running (although I hope it is the later).  I will follow the doctor's advice and not run until the day of the race.  Hopefully, I will be OK.  If nothing else, I am going to finish this race on May 29 so I don't have to wear this Michigan clothing anymore.  You can plan and plan, but rarely do things ever turn out as we plan.  So, maybe I won't be in top physical shape --- but I can say that even if I'm injured, I'm still in much better shape than I was a year ago.

It's All Starting to Hit Me.

What should I do?  Wedding reception in Chicago on August 13 for a good friend.  Coincidentally the Chicago Rock N’Roll Half Marathon is on August 14.  A few weeks ago I signed up for the Minneapolis Half Marathon on August 6 --- coordinating training for the Chicago Marathon with being able to see some friends from college who I haven’t seen in way too long.  The mileage is there in terms of training.  Advice from any of y’all out there in blog land?

It turns out that Dr. Darcy correctly diagnosed me from afar the other night.  Slight tear which will heal. I’m spending a lot of quality time with my feet and lower legs in ice baths.   I haven’t done anything since this happened --- other than stretching.  It is driving me crazy.  But I am listening to the advice that I am given.  I’m taking in easy until Sunday, when I am going to try to get the 11-12 miles in and then no running until the half marathon on May 29.  A few times on the elliptical in between, but that’s it.  I’m nervous, but the good people at Varsity Sports assured me that I will be fine.  I did 10 miles, which they assured me was the biggest test of all.  Plus, I am doing this to finish it and not for time.

After the half I will take a little time off and then start training for the Chicago Marathon.

I spoke to Liberdy yesterday, which really put me in a much better mood.  I couldn’t believe that she gave birth two weeks ago and was able to go out for a run yesterday.  I so wish that I was at that level already.  (If you recall, she ran 5 miles faster than I did when she was 8 months pregnant.)  She convinced me that I was ready for this and also assured me that I was going into this with the right attitude.  I was beginning to wonder, but Liberdy simply doesn’t blow smoke up my ass --- so if she says it then it is gospel as far as I am concerned.  I’m really touched at how much she has had going on, with the birth of her first child and all, and she has been checking in with me to make sure that my training is going OK.  Pretty amazing!

I haven’t been paying as much attention as I should to current events because of trial prep, etc.  When I spoke to my sister today she asked me about evacuation in light of the level of the Mississippi.  I told her that I didn’t think it was anything as I hadn’t heard people discussing it non-stop in New Orleans.  But, her question prompted me to look into it.  I’m optimistic that we will not have to evacuate in New Orleans.  That being said, the river is higher than I have ever seen it.  I’m hopeful that the interventions will work because I don’t want anything to happen to this amazing place that I am so proud to call my home.  Please keep New Orleans (and the entire state of Louisiana) in your thoughts and prayers.