I've Got A Half Marathon to Train (And Raise Money) For

Less than 3 months until race day. It hit me this weekend. It's not like I'm not working out but I have to admit my mileage hasn't been where it should be. That ended yesterday. 5 miles yesterday (some of which was intervals) was painful. My calves were sore today. By tonight they were really sore. But, I put in 3 miles tonight. I tried the run 10 minutes, walk 2 minutes method tonight. I liked it. Might be my new thing.

I've committed to raising money for Atticus Circle in relation to the half marathon (www.atticuscircle.org). Moreover, I got two friends (and amazing authors) Stacey Ballis and Jen Lancaster to do it with me and also raise money for this amazing organization. Now, more than ever, this organization is so important. There have been huge advances this summer --- advances that make me smile --- and we need to keep pushing this issue by advocacy. That's my political shpiel for now.

When I trained for my last half I wore Michigan clothes because I lost a bet. The crappy Michigan clothes motivated me. So, yesterday I wore the Atticus Circle t-shirt that says "Gay, Fine By Me". It did motivate me. I'm doing this half marathon for more than just me. Obviously I do want to do well and get a PR --- but making a difference through raising money and awareness may be more important.

Before my run tonight I met an old friend to catch up. It had been far too long. Truth be told, I wasn't in a great place the last time we saw one another (years ago) and I likely lashed out at her. Thinking about it the last few days, after she graciously reached out to me, made me sad. I lost out on many years of a great person and friend. I was a little nervous tonight but we picked up at a good place. Time has changed us both. I told her that I'm finally comfortable with who I am and I'm not trying to be someone I'm not and can never be. Running has helped me get there.

Tonight's meeting came on the heels of meeting another old friend for lunch. Another person I hadn't seen in years. It was so amazing to catch up. We are no longer 20 year olds who go out to bars, etc. We are adults. We work hard. We try to carve out a little time every day for ourselves and our sanity. Some days we fail. I tried to convince her to come run with me. She told me she doesn't run. I responded by saying I didn't use to run either and if I can do it anyone can. I haven't given up on her.

A lot has changed since I started this blog. I'm not running a marathon in a few weeks. I will be there, though, to cheer Gen on. I was going to run it with her. I'm envious of het and proud of her and excited for her. But part of me finally being comfortable with me is knowing a Marathi isn't in my future and despite that, I can still call myself a runner.

This blog started as my journey in trying to become a runner. I'm a runner now. I might not be what you think of as a runner but I don't care. Being a runner to me is wanting to run, liking to run, and liking how I feel after I run. So,I'm a runner. Now, I'm trying to be a faster runner.

Sorry this is so disjointed. This was written on an iPad. I'm still getting the gist of this. Give me time.

Day off tomorrow. Planning on5 miles during the Saints/Packers game on Thursday.

Routines And Breaking Them

I can't believe tomorrow is Friday. Part of me is exhausted and the other part is wide awake. Excitement of a new job, new (kind of) city, new routines have me smiling. Speaking of routines, I had another training session with Matt tonight. There is no routine with him other than challenging me. My attitude is that I'm only cheating myself if I don't do what he instructs me to do. Truth is that I do feel stronger --- especially my obliques and my hamstrings. And while I'm not running as much as I should be the cross-training and intervals on the stairs, bike, and rowing machine that Matt has me doing are making the runs I actually do much more productive.

The last time I trained for a half marathon I was too methodical and put too much pressure on myself. As a result, I often left out important things like making sure that the muscles that were so important to running a half marathon were properly trained and rested --- because I was running too much. I wasn't focused on the big picture. Then came injuries and you know the rest. This time I'm committed to a more holistic approach. I'll get my mileage in but I'm not going to run more than 3 days a week and I'm going to pay attention to cross-training, hydration, and nutrition throughout it all. Sure I have a time goal. But ultimately I care more about crossing the finish line injury free.

So this weekend I'm going to run 5 miles. I don't know whether it will be Saturday or Sunday. I don't know if I'll even wear my Garmin to time it. I'm going to enjoy the scenery of the 'burbs and the sunshine and music. I'll enjoy knowing that I'm stronger now because I'm not so regimented that I am forcing myself to follow a routine. I might not be fast, but I will be smiling. Then I'll rest so that on Monday night Matt can "beat me up" again.

Happy Birthday Liberdy

It's Liberdy's birthday today. In her honor Matt, my new trainer, beat the crap out of me tonight. It felt good. I liked the fact that Matt said that he knows with me he can dish out whatever and I will take it. I like pushing myself and challenging myself --- especially now that I truly know I'm capable of it. Liberdy got me to this point and I'll never forget that. I know she would have been beaming tonight as I did things I'd never been able to do before. She really would have loved the intervals that Matt had me do on stairs.

Matt is pushing me in a good way. Because I've known him since we were kids I trust him implicitly. Tonight I told him about my goal for Vegas. He didn't wince and he didn't say it wasn't possible. I know that he will do everything possible to get me ready. But the truth is that I have to believe the goal is possible and put in the time when no one else is watching. It's easy ton push myself when Liberdy is there or when Matt is there. Doing it when no one is watching is the hard part.

It's been a while

I'm sorry. I've been crazed. I know it's not an excuse but it is what it is. A lot has happened. First, I've relocated to Milwaukee, Wisconsin --- my hometown. I will always love New Orleans, but family comes first. I'm living in the suburbs, which is coincidentally amazing for running. But more about that in a subsequent post.....

I went to Chicago this weekend to watcgnmy friend Gen run the Chicago Rock N'Roll Half Marathon. I was supposed to run it with her but after the surgery in June that wasn't an option. It was so amazing to be there and see her do so well. My step mother asked me if it felt strange to watch and not run. The truth is that it wasn't. I was proud of her for doing so well but at the same time after my half marathon experience in Toronto I know that unless I'm in the physical shape to do it well than, for me, it's not worth it. I'll be ready for Vegas in December.

As a result of the move I had to say goodbye to Liberdy. Even though she won't be training me any more she will always be my trainer. I did start training here with a new trainer. I've known Matt since we were kids. He runs ultra marathons and is big into running. It's a good fit. I've had two sessions thus far and looking forward to my two sessions this week.

Gen ran the half with the method of run 4 minutes and walk 2 minutes. I tried it on my 3 mile run today. I didn't love it but I will try it again. I ran with my new CEP achilles brace. I did like that a lot.

I promise more consistent posts. Until my next run.

Namaste, Part Deux

The idea was to try another Bikram class at 8 a.m.  Mary even agreed to try it again after we consulted the online schedule and it showed there was a different teacher for the 8 a.m. Sunday class.  I picked her up a few minutes late this morning; she admitted she didn't want to call me to find out where I was in case I had overslept accidentally.  We got there and were really hoping that it was not another "mat to mat" situation --- not good for those of us who aren't Bikram experts or as flexible as others.  You can imagine our surprise to: (1) find there was quite a crowd for an 8 a.m. Sunday class; and (2) it was the same instructor from the other night (i.e. Nazi instructor) who was checking people in.  When she started arguing with Mary and I we walked out; dealing with the Nazi instructor and another "mat to mat" situation at 8 a.m. on a Sunday just wasn't worth it. 

We grabbed some oatmeal and I dropped Mary off at home.  I went home, grabbed my briefcase, and the idea was to go into work.  I knew there was a 10 a.m. class and I had really been looking forward to sweating and getting toxins out of my system.  I started driving to the office and found myself turning the car around, back toward the yoga studio.  I figured I had paid for the 30 day pass and knew it was a different instructor.  I got there and saw my friend Jessica sitting outside.  As I was driving away from the 8 a.m. class I saw her walking in.  She asked why I had left the previous class and I explained --- she (and her friend) agreed and said they were surprised the "Nazi instructor" was teaching the 8 a.m. class. 

The 10 a.m. instructor was AMAZING.  Bonus was the class wasn't "mat to mat".  The teacher was calm and explained everything in a way the previous instructor hadn't.  Even her voice was calm, her mannerisms were more calm.  She was complimentary when people tried, even if they couldn't completely grasp the pose.  Bottom line is that I loved the class.  I sweat profusely, toxins got out of my system, and I felt good about myself.  I am definitely going to go back this week for a class or two.  Sunday is the "day off" once the half marathon training starts up again.  I think my "day off" is going to involve Bikram yoga because it will force me to stretch, relax, and focus.

During the last 2-3 months I have really been trying to differentiate my time at work versus my time at home.  I was told that I needed to do so for my mental health because it wasn't healthy for me to be thinking about work all of the time.  I am getting much better at managing my stress, but I also have a ways to go.  This weekend I tried something completely different.  I went into the office on Saturday morning, but I left the office at around noon and haven't checked my email for the rest of the weekend.  It has been challenging not having that connection, but at the same time it has allowed me to relax a bit more and spend some "me time".  I did do a little bit of work today, but I was able to do it without my email.  My two yoga classes this past week have really helped --- even though I've only taken two of these classes.  Part of the class involved breathing exercises and focusing on breathing.  Additionally, you have to really focus on each pose --- REALLY FOCUS ON THE POSE --- instead of anything else while you are in it or you won't be able to get the pose right.  It felt good this weekend to focus on me and do things for me.  Hopefully it will make me better at work this week.

Bikram today came on the heels of an absolutely amazing workout yesterday.  Liberdy is out of New Orleans until August 10 and before she left she threw down the gauntlet.  Liberdy knows that what motivates me more than anything is a challenge and it is working.  I started keeping both a food journal and an exercise journal.  The food journal has been really educational.  I wasn't eating badly before, but I also wasn't being as conscious of everything because I would use the reasoning that, "I am exercising a ton."  I wasn't eating crap and I knew basic caloric contents, etc.  But I was eating a lot of protein bars.  I wasn't getting nearly enough protein --- good proteins.  I was taking in far too many carbs, and I was getting the carbs in ways most people wouldn't think.  I was keeping to my calorie count, but that isn't all that matters.  Fruit has a ton of sugar in it and a ton of carbs.  It obviously isn't the same as eating chocolate, but it was my crutch and it can't be.  I need to eat more frequently throughout the day.  I literally need to put a post-it note on my computer so that I remind myself to do so.  Things get busy, I get bogged down, and I forget to eat.  Its not intentional, but it is screwing with my metabolism.

In terms of my workouts, I am keeping track of what I do each day as well as how many calories I am burning (based on what my Garmin or the machines are telling me).  I am recording my core workout and my strength training and PT, but I don't really have a way to count the calories on those things. 

I have to give a huge shout out tonight to my cousin Samantha.  She got married tonight in Denver and I am feeling completely guilty for not being there.  Samantha and I grew up together, in a sense.  During law school I would "babysit" for her while her parents were out of town --- which was a few times a month based on their work.  She was in high school at the time.  As she got older she would come and stay with me when she went to college and then after she finished college.  She has visited me in New Orleans and I have seen her in New York.  She is one of the people that really got me motivated to run.  She has run marathons, half marathons, and is an amazing athlete.  I wish Samantha and Russel nothing but a life full of mazel --- and, of course, many runs to come.

One month to go until Liberdy gets back to New Orleans.  I am a third of the way there and I think I can win this challenge.

Namaste

I went to Bikram Yoga (i.e. hot yoga) last night.  It had been two years since my last Bikram experience.  My last Bikram experience wasn't very pleasant.  I had quite a bit to drink the night before as I was at a conference with my friends.  Why we thought an 8 a.m. Bikram class would be wise after a night of heavy drinking I will never know, especially in light of the fact that none of us were regular Bikram students.  It was Florida in August so by 8 a.m. it was likely 90 degrees an humid.  The Bikram room was 108, but at least it wasn't humid.

The teacher was a bit of a Nazi --- as a Jew I don't use that word lightly.  My friends and I fought off dizziness, vomiting, etc.  The teacher barked orders at us and scolded us when we had to lay silently on our respective mats to fight the urge to run out of the room and vomit (as that wasn't allowed).  We somehow made it through 90 minutes, thinking that at least we were able to sweat out some of the alcohol from the night before.  I puked at the end of the class.  We drove back to the resort and jumped into the pool in our yoga clothes.

I decided it would be a good idea to revisit Bikram after speaking with my PT.  It would allow me to sweat.  I am strange in that I really like to sweat when I am exercising because it makes me feel as if I am accomplishing something.  It would also allow me to stretch in an environment where my muscles were warm and the stretches could be productive.  I called my friend en route to the class, one of the women who shared the Bikram experience with me two years ago.  We chuckled about it.  A few minutes later she called me back and said that she was going to take a class last night as well --- too bad she was in St. Louis and I was in New Orleans.

My friend Mary agreed to try to the class with me.  We showed up armed with yoga mats, towels, and water.  We had signed up ahead of time on the internet because we were told the classes filled up quickly and had limited space.  The class was so crowded that we had to put the mats right next to one another -- literally.  How they fit 39 people into that tiny room will forever be a mystery to me. It certainly took away from the class, though, which disappointed me.  There wasn't sufficient room to stretch.  You were constantly getting hit by someones hand or foot.  It was somewhat uncomfortable having to lie so close to someone I had never met.  But, despite all of that, I still liked it.  I didn't like it enough to go to a class that is that crowded again, but will try the class again at 8 a.m. on Sunday.

I liked that I sweat.  Specifically, I was dripping wet at the end of the class.  I walked out of the yoga studio and the air felt cool.  How often can you say that about the air in New Orleans in July?  I felt more cleansed after the class.  I slept more soundly last night.  My skin looked a little more clear today.

I read "Mile Markers" by Kristin Armstrong over the weekend.  I loved the book because while it was about running, it was also about life.  Armstrong cross-trains with yoga.  In the book she described the impact that yoga classes have had on her life, her running, and why she believes in them.  The yoga classes have forced her to deal with bring uncomfortable and with doing things that she didn't think that she was capable of. 

Last night I was in the back row of the class.  I certainly wasn't the most flexible person in the room, but I was OK with that.  I didn't go into the class expecting to be the most flexible person.  I pushed myself to where I could and was content with that level.  I didn't do anything to hurt myself or set back my recovery.  I sweat, more than I would have at the gym, and felt like I had accomplished something as a result.  And, in the end, while I was upset with the number of people in the room, I got over it and went home feeling more relaxed and able to deal with life.  The verdict is still out on whether it will help my running or whether after trying Bikram again on Sunday it will be something that I do again, but it felt good to challenge myself.

Sometimes You Can Go Home.......

I went "home" for the 4th of July weekend.  In my wildest dreams I never imagined the weekend would be as incredible as it was.  There wasn't anything in particular that made the weekend so special.  Looking back, though, I realize that what made it special was a combination of both looking back on incredible memories and creating new ones with the people who are most important to me --- the people that have known me the longest and have seen both the good and the bad in me.

I completed a 5k on July 4th.  Don't misunderstand me --- my college roommate and I were literally the last two people to finish.  The thing is, though, I was able to do it 4 weeks post surgery.  I was able to be comfortable doing it knowing that I would likely be last and that would be the best I could do that day (as running wasn't really an option).  I was able to be happy being outside, being with friends and family, and finishing my daily exercise before 9 a.m.  I was able to be satisfied knowing that I was on my way back to being able to run in the way that I wanted to.  I was able to smile thinking back to college and asking my college roommate if she ever envisioned that we would enter, much less finish, a 5k together.  I loved that a group of us were out there together on July 4th, exercising together, and even though my father wasn't able to do the fun walk because of recent surgery, he was out there with us and a part of it.



My cousin, my college roommate, and me at the 5k on July 4.  Very different than we were as students in Madison.



My brother is the only boy in the family.  He is 6 years younger than me so I have, admittedly, "mothered" him more than I should.  I know it annoys the hell out of him, but sometimes I just can't help myself because even though he towers over me and turned 30 this past weekend, he will always be my "little" brother.  Sometimes we fight because we don't see things eye to eye.  We are both hard headed (when it comes to certain things) and we don't want to give in.  This weekend I really tried to see him as an adult instead of my "little" brother.  I met some of his friends.  Spent time getting to know (really know) his fiance.  I did the things that he wanted to do instead of insisting that he do the things that I wanted to do.  It was special that some of the people that HE wanted sitting around the table for his 30th birthday dinner were my best friends; he wanted them there because he loves them, independently from my relationship with them, and considers them important in his life. 



My brother, my sister, and me at his 30th birthday dinner.




My sister, soon to be sister-in law, brother, and me at his 30th birthday dinner.



We have been friends for over 20 years.  Love that my brother considers them his good friends as well.



My brother is truly a mensch. He isn't infallible; no one is.  He has chosen a path in life that doesn't involve an office or putting on a suit and tie every day --- a path that makes him happy (but isn't so "normal" when you grow up in the North Shore of Milwaukee).   The thing that I truly realized about my brother is that he does the right thing without debating whether he should.  He would give you the shirt off of his back (generally some type of vintage t-shirt) if you needed it.  He has gotten the short end of the stick in many situations, but he doesn't dwell on it or let it affect him on a daily basis.  It is for these things that I can't be really upset with him if he wears a pattern t-shirt (that shows through) under a white polo shirt or white collared shirt or if he wants to wear Rod Laver Adidas sneakers with the tuxedo at his wedding. 

I have done a lot of things in the last 30 years to piss off my brother.  Some of the things were legitimate and others weren't.  Even when my brother was most mad at me, though, he has stood by me in relation to pursuing things like running.  I've caught a lot of grief lately (admittedly, deserved) for being so hard headed that I ended up needing surgery.  My brother didn't give me grief about it.  Instead, he seemed to understand where I was coming from --- that running the half marathon was something that I needed to prove to myself.  He understood why I'm pushing myself in PT and why I can't wait to really run again.

I brought Atticus Circle (www.atticuscircle.org) t-shirts to Milwaukee for everyone in my family.  My brother is known for always having creative t-shirts.  He loved the Atticus Circle t-shirt.  He wore it out to the 4th of July fireworks. 

My brother doesn't get involved in politics.  He doesn't get involved in controversy.  We have never had an in depth discussion about civil rights, religion, or anything broaching a similar topic.  I had a sense of what he believed, but didn't know for sure.  I was so proud of him when he told me the story of one of his friend's reactions to his Atticus Circle t-shirt.  I wasn't there, but it went something like this:

Friend, looking a bit puzzled: "Nice t-shirt."

Brother, with a smirk on his face: "Thanks."

Friend, fumbling a bit: "Are you gay?"

Brother, with smirk on his face that is more like a shit eating grin: "No, why would you ask that?"

Friend: "People are going to think you are gay if you wear that t-shirt."

Brother: "Wearing this t-shirt means I'm gay?"

Friend: "They are going to think you are gay."

Brother: "It says 'gay? fine by me.'  It is fine by me.  Makes you think, doesn't it."

My brother telling me this reminded me of something Scout Finch said in To Kill a Mockingbird.  (Atticus Circle is named for Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird.  Scout, who is roughly 8 years old in the book, said, "I think there's just one kind of folks.  Folks."  Seeing my "little" brother as an adult, a man who stands up for what he believes in even though it may be controversial, was a part of creating new memories.  It was a part of what made my weekend so special.