My "Achilles Heel"

My freshman year in high school we spent the first semester of English class studying Greek mythology.  I read The Iliad and The Odyssey, however, it wasn't until I got to college that I realized how important those studies had been.  There were important metaphors in those tales.  In the last few days I have thought of one in particular --- the story about Achilles.

The story is that when Achilles was a baby that it was foretold that he would die in battle from an arrow in the foot.  To prevent his death his mother took him to the River Styx, which was supposed to offer powers on invincibility.  His mother dipped Achilles' body into the water, however, she held him by the heel.  His heel, therefore, wasn't washed over by the magical water.  Achilles grew up to be a man of war; he survived many incredible battles and was thought of as a hero.  One day a poisonous arrow was shot at him and was lodged in his heel --- the arrow killed him as his heel hadn't been protected by the water.  It is from Greek mythology that the expression of an "Achilles heel" came to be known as someone's area of weakness,

For me, at least in relation to running, my "achilles heel" is my achilles tendon.  My achilles tendon holds me back and I always have a nagging sense of fear (well, maybe not that strong) that I am going to hurt it again and really be out of the game for a long time.  My achilles tendon starts to cramp after 5 or so miles  and no matter what I do or how much endurance I have, the cramps come.  Then comes the inflammation, the stretching, the ice baths, and a little bit of limping.  My achilles tendon was doing pretty well post-surgery until my mileage started to increase.  Now, as the half-marathon is just about 2 weeks away I am feeling the training more than ever.  I want to do well in the race but at the same time I don't want to push myself so hard that I hurt myself.

I have honestly grown to love running.  Mind you I am not saying that I'm good at it, but I truly like it.  The last two weeks it just hasn't been as fun, though.  I've been logging the miles because I know that I have to in order to train properly but I can't say it has always brought a smile to my face.  I can't wait for the half-marathon to be over because then I will be able to go back to running because I want to and run the distances that I want to when I want to.  Sure, I will likely still wear my watch but that is more to feed my "inner geek" with the stats than the actual time on the clock.

I've also been frustrated because I am about $600 away from my fundraising goal.  I really want to meet my fundraising goal.  I am sick of sending out emails asking people to donate to a cause that i deem worthy and meaningful.  I know that my friends and colleagues must be sick of getting the emails as well.  (Hint, please give any type of donation and I'll stop bothering you.)  I think that if I am able to start the race knowing that I have et my fundraising goal that I will feel a lot more relaxed about the race.

As Thanksgiving approaches (can't believe it is in a week) I think back to this time last year.  A year ago this coming Saturday I was in Los Angeles with my sister, brother-in-law, and niece.  My sister and I went for a run that was about 3 miles.  It was the first time that we had ever been able to run together.  It meant a lot to me because it showed me how far I had come in the previous 6 months.  This Saturday I am going to run 10 miles.  There is a little piece of me, though, that wishes I was going to be taking that same 3 mile run with my sister.  Last year, there was no doubt that she was a better runner than I was.  This year I know that I could take her --- even with my "achilles heel".

While I am getting in my 10 miles on Saturday I am just going to think back to last year and the feeling of complete joy that I felt by simply being able to keep up with my sister on that run last year.  Remembering that feeling of pure exhilaration may make 10 miles seem like an exciting run instead of simply logging in miles.

31 Miles. Who Would Have Thought? Certainly Not Me.

This Saturday I have to run 11 miles.  That is a distance that isn't short but also not one that you think of as extremely long.  For me it is going to be 44 laps around the track of my former high school.  That way it is pavement, but it will be easier on my achilles.  Doing on a treadmill would give me a false sense of security and I don't need that going into the half.  I made that mistake before Toronto and I won't do it again.

It is hard to believe that the race is less than a month away.  It seems like just yesterday that I signed up for the race with my friends.  It seems like just yesterday that I planned a training schedule (which I haven't religiously followed despite my best intentions to do so).  It seems like just yesterday that I mentally prepared to psych myself up for this in the aftermath of an achilles injury.  I originally had time goals for this race.  I'll admit, though, that those have gone by the wayside.  Now it is about finishing the race.  It is about finishing the race and raising the amount of money that I set out to raise for Atticus Circle.

At the office today one of my partners had a blood pressure cuff in his office and offered to take my blood pressure.  I was curious so I agreed.  My blood pressure has never been an issue --- even when I was 70 pounds heavier (yes, you read that correctly).  I was pleasantly surprised, though, at how relatively low my blood pressure was today.  My partner said my blood pressure was amazing.  I thought about it for a second and then realized that I have run over 20 miles this week.  Suddenly I didn't feel like such a slacker anymore.

It is incidents like that one that put everything in perspective for me.  It is incidents like that one that make me feel like a runner.  20 miles in a week (and it;s only Thursday) isn't insignificant.  Add the 11 miles that I plan to run on Saturday and that is 31 miles in a week.  18 months ago I never imagined, not even in my wildest dreams, that I would be running 31 miles in a week.  I may not cross the finish line at record pace when when I think that I'm running 31 miles this week (and playing tennis a few times) I have to grin.

This week has been crappy.  This week has been one of the most difficult weeks that I have had in a very long time.  I was confronted with issues this week that made me question a lot of things,  I had to question who I am as a person and what I am able/willing to put up with.  I had to question how much I am willing to be tortured and how much of my sanity I am willing to sacrifice in the process.  The decisions were tough, and I still am struggling with them a little bit.  But the one thing that I do know is that I was able to make the decisions I did because of where I am physically.  If I was not where I am physically I may not have had the self assurance to do what I did.

Last Saturday I had an amazing run.  Last Sunday my run sucked.  It didn't suck because of the speed.  It sucked because I felt sluggish.  But I did it.  I finished it.  And then I finished two other runs this week.  One felt great and another mediocre, but I finished them.  Looking back at those runs --- and putting them in perspective with the grand scheme of my week --- I can't feel so bad about them.  Those runs, no matter how crappy I thought they were at the time, helped me get through the week.  I truthfully don't know that I would have been able to get through the week without them (or some form of exercise).  To me that means I have come a long way.

So, less than a month to do.  My promise to myself in the time until the half is not to classify my runs as good or bad but as something that I am doing for me.  It is time where I can think, listen to music, and escape from the world (even if just for an hour).  My promise to myself is to remember how far I have come instead of focusing on how far I have to go.  My promise to myself is to simply put one foot in front of the other and try to smile as best I can.  The fact that I am able to run 31 miles in a week is a gift.  It is a gift that most who know me never would have imagined me having.

This weekend I promise to figure out how to upload photos.  There have been a lot of cool running related photos in the last 2 months.

If You Think Kim Kardashian Is Ridiculous Please Donate To Atticus Circle In Conjunction With My Participation in the Las Vegas Rock N'Roll Half Marathon on December 4

I am sorry if this is redundant or if you have already heard from me.  A month from Sunday I will be running the Rock N’Roll Las Vegas Half Marathon. In doing so I am raising money for an amazing organization called Atticus Circle.  Atticus Circle is a 501(c)(3) non-profit that educates and mobilizes straight people to advance equal rights for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) partners, parents, and their children. Atticus Circle provides information about the rights of parents and partners denied on the basis of sexual orientation. It seeks to create cultural and attitudinal change by helping people understand the unique challenges and discrimination same-gender couples and their families face, and by encouraging acceptance of all families and partnerships. Atticus Circle conducts research, publishes materials, and works with businesses and policy institutions to develop ideas and policies that foster equal rights for same gender partners and their families. In running I am, as my t-shirt will read, STANDING UP STRAIGHT FOR EQUAL RIGHTS.

Several months ago when I found Atticus Circle my opinions about this issue were strong --- that same-sex marriage should be legal.  I am not gay. But if I was, it wouldn't matter. People are who they are and their sexual orientation is only one element of who they are. My friends are my friends whether or not they are gay. All of my friends, whether gay or straight, deserve to have the same rights.  They all deserve equal right to marry and equal rights to enjoy the benefits of marriage whether they are gay or straight.  They deserve those rights and their children deserve for them to have those rights.

In the last few days I have been forced to hear about the 72 day marriage of a celebrity.  This has outraged me because not only did this celebrity seemingly not take the institution of marriage very seriously, but she made millions of dollars off of the wedding.  Now, 72 days later the celebrity is divorcing yet has made millions of dollars doing so.  All the while I have many friends fighting for the legal right to marry their spouses, something they are not legally entitled to do despite the fact they are in 100% committed and loving relationships that have lasted far longer than this celebrity’s television show has been on the air.  My friends aren’t seeking attention, fanfare, or million dollar weddings.  My friends work hard, pay taxes like everyone else, yet don’t have the same rights as everyone else.  To me, this is nothing short of injustice.

Over the years I have generally always donated when asked to when a friend has been involved in a race, etc. for an organization.  Truthfully, I haven’t always supported the organizations or even have known what they were --- but I wanted to support my friends in their respective endeavors.  Those of you who know me likely never thought that you would see me spending so much time running much less running a half marathon.  My life has changed a lot in that regard.  Part of that change, which has largely occurred through running, has been to be unabashed in speaking up for those things that I believe in.  Raising money for Atticus Circle is one of those things. 

I am close to reaching my goal.  I would really appreciate if you would consider making a donation to Atticus Circle so that I can surpass my goals and spend my last month of training knowing that I have done what I set out to do in terms of fundraising.  To make a donation to Atticus Circle in conjunction with my fundraising efforts, please to http://www.atticuscircle.org/. All gifts are tax deductible. No gift is too large or too small.

You will be able to follow my progress, both related to training for the half marathon and in raising money for Atticus Circle on this blog (http://runserenarun.blogspot.com/), on twitter (http://www.twitter.com/@sepollack), on my Facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/serenapollack), and on the Atticus Circle Facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/StandUpWithAtticusCircle).